Author: Peggy Orenstein
Rating: 5
This is the FIRST OFFICIAL book of our book club here. We begin reading/discussing May 15. Go get/rent/borrow it!
REVIEW:
In the spirit of this blog----"mothers have no time/I'd rather do an "okay" job and have it done than sit on it forever" -----I've decided to keep my reviews short and simple.
Every parent of a daughter should read this book.
At the least, every parent of a daughter should read the first chapter.
As I was reading this book and talking about it daily, I would get reactions from moms like:
1. "Everything in moderation is fine."
2. "My daughter went through it and she's 9 now and doesn't care about princesses."
3. "It's just girls being girls."
4. "Moms these days are too worried about every little thing."
5. "Oh, please. Why does everything have to be so gender neutral?"
I may have said one of these things before I read the book... but this is not what the book is about! It's about the parts we DON'T realize. That aren't obvious. CONFESSION: I have a bit of a pet peeve when it comes to people weighing in on things without having actually read them.
To answer just two of the above comments:
2. Yes, Orenstein addresses this. As the Disney execs will tell you--- all girls DO pass through it. That isn't the point. 3-5 yrs old is the time when girls are forming their ideas of who they are, yet are also the most rigid in their thinking. Take my daughter. Not yet 4, she already refuses to wear anything that a princess wouldn't wear including shorts and her glasses. I mean, she will throw herself on the floor before wearing shorts. Yes, part of me says who cares--but the part that read this book says she is boxing herself in to thinking that she isn't beautiful in shorts (yes, her exact words).It isn't the fact that they shouldn't have access to this stuff--it's that they are using it to define them, their sense of beauty, acceptance, etc--from here on out. Orenstein does a better job of disseminating the research (and I only start labeling quotes the last 30 pages when it finally occurred to me).
4. Hmm, not really. Or maybe the wrong things in some cases. We give in because it's a tiring job. But lip gloss, vanity mirror, etc. Try to think of specific girl toys that have NOTHING to do with looks. Try to even offhandedly compliment your daughter without it being about her looks or attire in ANY way.
As my friend Stacy put it below, "What strikes me the MOST...I think it would be my own realization of how numb I had become to the marketing and products targeting little girls."
It is a slow, slow, slippery slope. I feel like I'm not even sure how we ended up with so much princess stuff OR how we went from Zoe wanting EVERY Thomas train and boy Toy Story undies to only caring about wearing skirts or dresses.
Bottom line---- read it/scan it/Google articles on it. It's important and eye-opening.
What strikes me the MOST...I think it would be my own realization of how numb I had become to the marketing and products targeting little girls. When I was pregnant with my first little one, I read Montessori from the Start and it really set me on the track to avoid mainstream toys and go for things made from natural materials and encouraged imaginative play (i.e. staying away from television/movie characters and things labeled with them). But as time wore on, it became expensive, and like Orenstein points out, it is hard work! Just walk into Kohl's (for example) and try to find a gender neutral folding chair for a toddler, or a stuffed animal that is the color and scale of a real one, or anything made from natural materials (although Target and Toys R Us have started carrying some wooden toys, but usually still made in China). I got tired of asking my family to go online to purchase pricier toys for my kids. So, I started saying yes to certain things, and it is a slippery slope. For that reason, I am glad a read the book -- to snap me back into paying more attention to what I allow my daughters to play with, although we have not compromised too much on what they wear. We have managed to say "no" to bikinis and lip gloss, but we do indulge them with pretty dresses and shoes (and sometimes they end up wearing them to impractical places, like the park!)
ReplyDeleteI agree, agree!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was pregnant with Zoe in 2007, we painted her room yellow, I got neutral bedding, tried to keep it all neutral. It is a slow, slow, slippery slope. I feel like I'm not even sure how we ended up with so much princess stuff OR how we went from Zoe wanting EVERY Thomas train and undies to only caring about wearing skirts or dresses.
I agree that the book was a wake up call to be more conscious of my choices. I think I use princesses/dress up as a "carrot" sometimes to get results (behavior, etc).
What most upset me was the factor of cross-sex play. I wish I had know this! Zoe had her first year of preschool and it was only a few months before she said she doesnt like boys anymore--except Daddy. I wish all preschool teachers (maybe they do) knew about the importance of cross-sex play and the difference between 'watering the plants side by side' and 'watering the plants together'. Zoe has NO boy friends.
The main thing that struck me is that I could still have all this stuff in my house and just encourage different things (is it comfortable? how do you think Rapunzel felt when Mother Gothel said she was never leaving the tower?). I think I have decided I am okay with the dress up gear but nothing else. (Dress up meaning skirt, shirt, dress, gloves, hat, frying pan, etc.)
I am also left wondering where the obsession with the fairies went? She LOVED them! The only princess movie she even knows is Rapunzel---- why did she trade the fairies in? I actually still feel good about them.